Humble Submission (Philippians 2:1-18)

"… He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross" (Phil. 2:8).

He who is King of all creation humbled Himself, submitted to the will of His Father, served sinful, rebellious human beings, washed their dirty feet, and ultimately died the death of a criminal to bring glory to God. Here we have an exalted portrait of how Christ maintained His rank and station, His equality with God, and yet subordinated Himself to a role of submission and service. Can a wife do any less? Is she too grand, too self-reliant, too noble to submit to the authority of her husband? Does she lose her character, her personality, her equality, her status as a human being when she submits to her husband? Did Christ lose His dignity, His worth, His nobility, His divinity when He humbled Himself and became obedient even to death on a cross? No, quite the contrary. His submission to the will of His Father brought Him even greater glory. And in like manner, the wife who submits to the authority of her husband brings honor not only to herself but to the man she loves and the God she adores.

God created Eve out of the side of Adam. There was a never a time when the woman existed alone, separate from her husband, just as the church has never existed outside of Christ as its head. Like the vine that has its own root, but wraps itself around the sturdy oak, the wife is a distinct person with an identity all her own, but she is dependent on her husband for support and strength. This arrangement of the husband-wife relationship does not dishonor the woman any more than Christ’s role as our Redeemer dishonors Him. Through her submission, the wife brings honor to her husband. Through her submission, she instructs her children by way of example on how to respect those in authority. Through her submission, she shows a rebellious world the honor, peace, and dignity that come through willing obedience to God. Through her submission, the wife conforms to the image of her Redeemer “who being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation.… humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.” As B. M. Palmer writes, “It is enough for her, if she, like Him is exalted through submission to a station of privilege and glory.”

Read Titus 2:3–5. What should older women teach younger women? What does Paul say would be the consequence if wives are not loving their husbands, self-controlled, pure, busy at home, subject to their husbands (end of v. 5)? Pray that older women in your church will instruct the younger women so God’s Word won’t be maligned.

The Duty of Submission (Colossians 3:18-25)

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord" (Col. 3:18).

The foundation of the marriage union, as in the Christian life, is love. We crucify our sinful desires, we separate ourselves from the temptations of the world, we obey the commands of Christ, we freely submit to His authority, not because He drives us with the rod as a cruel and abusive tyrant, but because of His great love for us and our love for Him. Jesus said, “If you love me, you will obey my commands.” Paul says in Romans 2 that we repent of our sins and turn from the deeds of darkness because of the goodness of God, because we are motivated by His patience, longsuffering and grace. Likewise, a woman who marries the man she loves enters into that relationship on the basis of love—love to God and love to her husband. And like the Christian who obeys Christ because of love, the woman submits not only out of due reverence for the position and authority of her husband but out of love for him.

Paul tells the wife to submit to her husband as to the Lord. She can offer her opinions respectfully, prompt him, persuade with sound arguments, but in the end she must submit to the authority God has placed over her. Just as the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, the wife is to respect and submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ.

John Angell James wrote to the women in his congregation to consider their great duty in submitting to their husbands: “Let me then, my respected female friends, as you would submit to the authority of Christ, as you would adorn the station that providence has called you to occupy, as you would promote your own peace, the comfort of your husband, and the welfare of your family, admonish you, meekly and gracefully, to be subject in all things, not only to the wise and good, but to the foolish and ill-deserving.… Let your submission be characterized by cheerfulness, and not by reluctant sullenness: let it not be preceded by a struggle, but yielded at once and forever: let there be no holding out to the last extremity, and then a mere compulsory capitulation; but a voluntarily, cheerful, undisputed and unrevoked concession.” Let your submission to your husband be as to the Lord, in humility, meekness, reverence, and, above all, in love.

Read Psalm 116:12–19; Matthew 26:39; Luke 1:38; John 14:23; 15:10; James 4:7. How can a wife emulate these examples of submission and reverence in her relationship to her husband? Pray for the wives in your church, that they would submit to their husbands as to the Lord.

The Fountain of Love (Ephesians 5:25-33)

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her" (Eph. 5:25).

Many people wrongly assume that Paul focuses on love as the primary duty of the husband because it is needed to balance his authoritarian role. While this may be one aspect of the command, it is not the primary factor. Paul does not see love and authority in opposition.

Because love is the basis of successful family life, it is the husband’s responsibility to perpetuate love in the family. B. M. Palmer best explains how love is the primary duty of the husband: “In the order of nature this love begins with the man. He is the chooser; which explains the peculiar language in Genesis 2:24: ‘For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife.’ It is not put the other way.… it is not her place to take the initiative. Woman must impose a restraint upon her affections, until she is challenged. Like the violet, she hides her sweetness beneath the leaf, until the hand is stretched to pluck her from concealment. She may arouse the love which shall draw forth her own in absolute response; but that love must first speak from another’s lips, of which her own is but the echo. Since, then, this love is first cherished by the man, is first recognized and is first uttered by him, he represents it in its active and controlling power throughout life. His love must always go in the front. As he began, so must he continue to be its exponent and representative. It pertains to his office, as the husband, to lay the foundations of the new society and communion in love; and he is the organ through which it speaks its great commands.”

The continuation of love in the family is put on the shoulders of the husband. This does not mean that in some cases the wife will not rebel, as covenant children rebel against the Lord even to the point of apostasy. But, just as Christ is the well-spring in the Christian life, so the husband is the fountain of love in the family. If he is unloving, the family is filled with bitterness, chaos, and strife. Love is the law of the husband’s life “and is the spring of all his actions toward her who by that love has been won to his embrace,” Palmer wrote. “He is constituted the guardian of that in which all true marriage has its life and being.”

Read Deuteronomy 32:10; Malachai 3:17; Zechariah 9:16; John 13:1; 15:13; Romans 8:35; and 1 John 3:16. Using these verses, describe the love God has for His people. How should a husband reflect this kind of love for his wife? Pray for the husbands in your church, that they would love their wives as Christ loves the church.

A Mystical Union (Genesis 2)

"Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman" (Gen. 2:22).

In Ephesians 5 marriage is described as analogous to or symbolic of the relationship between Christ and His church. This comparison is filled with many practical implications for the married couple. As a follow-up to our study on 1 Corinthians 7, we will spend the next week examining those implications and exploring how marriage can be compared with the mystical union believers have with Christ.

We first encounter marriage as symbolic of our mystical union with Christ in the creation of Eve. Though created as a separate person with a distinct personality all her own, Eve was formed of the same substance as man. B. M. Palmer writes, “She is made in every respect the counterpart of the man. With perfect identity of nature—corporeal, intellectual, and moral—there runs through her entire organization the distinction of sex. The same yet different, the likeness and the variation mark her throughout as the complement of the man.… In like manner, believers are ‘created in Christ Jesus;’ and with them, of course, the church. Only in Him could they become the subjects of that grace through which they believe and are saved.… As the woman was taken from the man in her individual subsistence, so all the seed of Christ are individually renewed by the Holy Ghost (thus, we are said to be created in Christ Jesus). And as the woman in her distinction returns to the man, in the movement of her own affections, so does the believer return, in the action of his faith to that glorious Head in whom first he was chosen to eternal life.”

Just as we are not simply unified in Christ by a legal declaration, neither are the husband and wife unified merely by law. It is a spiritual and vital union, and therefore, mysterious in its nature, just as our union with Christ is mysterious. If we treat marriage as something more than a legal compact, if we treat it as it truly is, we will enter into it more soberly and thoughtfully. We will think more seriously about the person with whom we want to be united. The marriage union is as intimate as Eve’s relationship with Adam. She was part of him, and in marriage the husband and wife are part of each other—a perfect analogy of our union with Christ. We are members of His body, not only representatively, but spiritually and vitally.

What does it mean to be spiritually united with Christ? (John 15) What are some practical implications of this union in the believer’s life? What does it mean to be spiritually united in marriage? Make a list of practical implications of that union for the husband and the wife.

The Sanctified Spouse (1 Corinthians 7:14-16)

"For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife …" (1 Cor. 7:14).

The word “sanctify” in these verses means to cleanse, to render morally pure, to consecrate, to regard as sacred, and to hold in reverence. Any person or object consecrated to God, or employed for His service, is considered to be sanctified or holy. Thus, the temple in the Old Testament, its utensils, the sacrifices, the priests, the altar, are called holy. Those things that are not consecrated to God are called profane, common, or unclean. To transfer anything from one class, from the profane, to that which is set apart for the purposes of God, is to sanctify it. “What God has cleansed you must not call common” (Acts 10:15). The Hebrew people were sanctified by being separated from other nations and employed in the service of God, and all who joined them within the fold of the theocracy were called holy. Their children were holy, and so were their wives. “If the firstfruit is holy, the lump is also holy; and if the root is holy, so are the branches” (Rom. 11:16).

It must remain clear, however, that this does not mean that parents and children who are consecrated to the Lord and subject to the benefits and blessings of Christ in an outward sense are necessarily born again. “In none of these cases does the word express any subjective or inward change,” Hodge wrote. “Children born within the theocracy, and therefore holy, were none the less conceived in sin, and brought forth in iniquity. They were by nature the children of wrath, even as others, Eph. 2:3. When, therefore, it is said that the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife, and the unbelieving wife by the believing husband, the meaning is, not that they were rendered inwardly holy, nor that they are brought under a sanctifying influence, but that they were sanctified by their intimate union with a believer, just as the temple sanctified the gold connected with it; or the altar the gift laid upon it, Matt. 23:17, 19.… The pagan husband, in virtue of his union with a Christian wife, although he remained a pagan, was sanctified; he assumed a new relation; he was set apart to the service of God, as the guardian of one of His chosen ones, and as the parent of children who, in virtue of their believing mother, were children of the covenant.”

What are some practical ways that an unbelieving husband or wife is sanctified by his or her believing spouse? How are children blessed by their believing parent? What is the hope given in these verses to the believing spouse? Pray for the salvation of the covenant children in your church and for those unbelieving wives and husbands.